wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
