i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
