Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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