you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
