Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
