I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
