I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
