Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
