After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
