Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
