Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
