Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
