shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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