I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
