I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
