hell yes lets make some ravioli
4 words: hood of his car
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
