So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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