Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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