But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
