life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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