I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
