I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
