she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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