I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
