im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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