Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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