Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
