When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize