K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
