Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
