While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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