I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
