quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
