can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
