i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We are two peas in an std pod
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
