i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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