Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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