I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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