You smell like a Billy Joel song
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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