She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
