somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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