Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
