Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
