when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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