worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
