Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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