remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
