First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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