I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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