A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
