"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
