I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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