your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
