She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
