Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
