I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize