Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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