well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
