just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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