Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
