maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
